Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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