Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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