once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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