we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
