Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
