You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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