i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
