things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
