True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize