dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
