I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
