Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
