i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
