Already got asked if we're dating
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
