sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize