woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My balls are so social today.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
