You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
