Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
