I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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