Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
