i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
