I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
