Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
