Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
