he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
