Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
