Pappa wants mamma naked
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize