Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
