my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
