I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
