I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Even my vagina gasped.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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