So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
