Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize