I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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