Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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