you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Randomize
