Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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