You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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