As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
