You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Your mouth is God's brothel.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
