my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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