covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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