i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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