May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
