Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
