He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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