there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
