I want to have your abortion
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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