I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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