that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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