Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
