oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
