Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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