omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize