I want to make a zoo with you.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
