wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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