Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
