sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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