If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
