The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
