well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
