I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
