the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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