his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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