nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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