I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
