I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
