remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize