The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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