Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
