I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
